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a collection of sad self-portraits
I’m an extremely joyful person. I’m simply just actively happy about existence most of the time.
It has always been easy for me, from a very early age, to check in with my happy side, to really live my happy feelings. Joy, gratitude, love, peace, amusement, etc. But the last couple of years I had to face the fact that I had serious difficulties doing the same with negative feelings. Instead of actually feeling these emotions, mostly sadness or anger, I just froze and got trapped in anxiety.
It wasn’t a long time ago when I discovered that drawing and painting can open up a secret path for me to find connection with this side of me. With the sad me. To feel the sad me. It has been an extremely comforting feeling, checking in with her and letting her exist, in me and on paper. Even if there was nothing I felt sad about, just the fact that me and sad me found a language they could communicate in brought me comfort.
The last couple of months I often painted and drew sad, angry, irritated, lost, and tired self-portraits, never planning anything, never really thinking about it, just simply letting it come out as it wants to. And therefor I ended up with many different styles. So many different me-s.
I have a special connection to these little illustrations of myself and therefor felt like putting them out here. Enjoy them.
All these little self-portraits were drawn in my sketchbook, most of the time as part of my pre-bed drawing routine. Often that is a time for me when I just sit, and almost unconsciously check in with myself and by opening my sketchbook and taking a pencil or brush in my hand I just let it out - whatever wants to come out.
The medium I used varies, these drawings include colored pencils, gouache, watercolor, ink, neocolor crayons and mixed media.
